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A List of Love

By Crystal Aldridge


I love to-do lists. I enjoy the sense of accomplishment that comes from checking off each task one by one. I also like to know what is expected or required of me when I begin a job.

Genesis 2:18 says, “And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.” 
What is my assignment?

It is to help my husband. It is my God-given task. Our husbands are unique. They have different needs and wants, likes and dislikes, and strengths and weaknesses.


At the beginning of this year, I asked my husband to make a list of ways I could better help him in this season of life. If you did the same, our lists would most likely look very different. Strong’s definition of help meet is “aid:-help.”  Although there is no cookie-cutter method or exact checklist, we can look to God’s Word and see ways to aid our husbands. Rest assured, if our hearts are willing, our Lord will help us do what He created us to do, be “an help meet for him.”

Ask

We should faithfully pray for our husbands. We see what no one else sees. We know many of the burdens they carry. We know when they are low spiritually and what they are struggling with. We should pray for them like no one else can or will. The Lord knows what our husbands need. He sees what we don’t, and He knows their hearts. We should be careful not to take it upon ourselves to try to “fix” our husbands. Learn to pray it before you say it, and you may often find the Lord didn’t want you to say it after all. 


Also, ask your husband how you can help him. We can do this daily, weekly, monthly, or in a new season of life, but it is a question worth asking. His list may surprise you, but you won’t know unless you ask. 


Lastly, ask for forgiveness. Say, “I’m sorry.” It’s not easy, but it is good for his heart and our pride when we are willing to apologize. James 5:16: “Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.”

Act

Proverbs 14:1: “Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.”


We should be women of action. We must be willing to do the necessary work to help our husbands. Tending to our homes, planning for and preparing meals, managing money wisely, caring for our children and their needs, and keeping laundry washed are a few responsibilities that come to mind. If we are lazy, it will cause chaos. God is a God of order. I Corinthians 14:40, “Let all things be done decently and in order.”

 

We have different schedules and responsibilities, and not everyone’s home looks identical. My husband loves to cook, and he cooks a lot. I love it! If your husband does laundry or helps you clean, that’s wonderful! Don't be embarrassed; be thankful. Brag on him and thank him for everything he does. You are not a failure if you don’t have a Pinterest-worthy home. If the season of life you are in doesn’t allow you to do everything every day, that’s ok. Ask the Lord to help you manage your time and order your day. Complete the most important tasks on your list for that day. I want my home to be a place of retreat and safety. It thrills my heart when my husband talks about how much he loves our home. It requires work, but it is rewarding work!

Attitude

Ephesians 5:33 “Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.”

It is possible to do the right things with the wrong attitude. The Bible instructs us to reverence our husbands. Show him respect. If we help but with resentment, it will show.


Here are a few examples of ways we disrespect our husbands: treating him like an interruption when he needs us, talking to him in a demeaning way when we believe we know better than he does, ignoring him, whether intentionally or unintentionally, complaining about him to others, raising our voice or giving the silent treatment, body language, i.e. (rolling our eyes, stomping our feet, slamming, snatching). It sounds silly to think of grown women acting this way, doesn’t it? Yes! Sadly, we have all been guilty.

Here are a few verses to remember and pray through when we find ourselves doing the right things with the wrong attitude.

Psalm 139:23-24: “Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”

Philippians 2:14: “Do all things without murmurings and disputings:

Colossians 3:23: “And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men; Philippians 2:3: “Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.

Psalm 51:10: “Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.” 

Ephesians 4:29: “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.

Adoration

Proverbs 31:10-12, “Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is far above rubies. The

heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.”


To adore someone is to love and respect them deeply. An excellent definition of love shared with me is that love is meeting the cherished object's needs. If we cherish our husbands, it will show in how we care for them. It will show in how we speak to them and in how we talk of them. Our desire should be to demonstrate our love for our husbands so that they are confident they are cherished and adored. We can bring comfort to their hearts by being in their corner and committed to them.


We can't meet all the needs of our husbands. Only Jesus can do that.

It is also impossible for us to be the help meet He created us to be apart from Him. We must meet with Him and draw strength from Him daily. He will help us be wives who ask and act, wives who do the right things with the right attitude, and wives who show our husband's adoration.

When we do it His way, we will bring honor and glory to Him in our marriages. He gave us this assignment, and He will help us if we let Him.

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