Fragile - Handle with Care

By: Hannah Hyatt

Great peace have they which love thy law: and nothing shall offend them. Psalm 119:165

We all know “those” people – the ones we feel like we have to walk on eggshells around, the ones we treat with kid gloves, the ones we have to really watch ourselves around – so as not to upset them. These people are easily offended and make relationships difficult due to the burden they place on those around them. Over time, people withdraw from them because the constant strain of trying not to upset them is exhausting. There could be a whole lesson on how to deal with people like this, but today, I want to give us some ways to avoid becoming that person. 

1. Understand that Offenses Will Come

We are imperfect people living in a world full of other imperfect people who all have different personalities than we do. We won’t always get everything right in our relationships with others. What may seem like a perfectly acceptable response to you in a certain situation may be considered rude or uncaring to someone else. It is often our expectations of how someone should act that cause us to be offended, and when they don’t respond like we think they should, it bothers us. God would not have to command us time and again in His Word to love one another if loving each other is something we do naturally. Forewarned is forearmed, so knowing that offenses will come, how can we keep a root of bitterness from consuming our lives?

2. Remember the Golden Rule

Matthew 7:12 says, “Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets.” A similar verse is found in Luke 6:31. When my children were old enough to start learning manners, one of the first lessons I taught them was that they should treat others the way they want to be treated. As a child, that meant learning to share toys, letting someone else go first, and using kind words to speak to and about others. As adults, we can apply this command to many things, but when it comes to offenses, we need to extend the same grace to others that we would like them to extend to us. Offenses are not always intentional. As we’ve already stated, people are different and perceive and respond to things differently. Rather than taking offense when someone doesn’t do or say what you think they should, assume good intentions. After all, wouldn’t you want them to do the same for you? 

3. Maintain a Forgiving Spirit

Noah Webster’s 1828 dictionary defines forgive as “to pardon; to remit, as an offense or debt; to overlook an offense, and treat the offender as not guilty.” Forgiveness, or the lack thereof, is an integral aspect of our relationship with God. Matthew 6:15 (and many other verses) helps us understand that if we can’t forgive others that we hinder God’s forgiveness in our own lives. One thing I find interesting is that God does not tell us to forgive just when someone apologizes. In fact, true forgiveness occurs before an apology is ever given. I am not responsible for what others do, but I am responsible for how I respond. So, whether an apology is given or not, I have a command to forgive as I have been forgiven. As we talked about earlier, many offenses are unintentional, and it’s only by maintaining a forgiving spirit that we keep from becoming bitter. Colossians 3:12-14 tells us how we as Christians should relate to one another, “Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.  And above all these things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness.”

I’m going to run a rabbit trail for a second here. The Bible does give guidance for how to go to a brother when an offense has occurred in Matthew 18:15-17, and there are times when this is necessary. However, we (as ladies) often will not confront someone over an offense because we know deep down that it’s petty and immature. So, either own up to your feelings and deal with the situation biblically, or deal with your spirit of unforgiveness and get your heart right with the Lord. Stepping off my soap box now…

4. Be a Peacemaker

Peace, in the sense of harmony or unity, is a key indicator of a healthy relationship. Matthew 6:9 called peacemakers “blessed”, and Romans 12:18 states, “If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.” The book of I John is full of verses that tell us that the love shown between the brethren is a testimony to the world that they are the children of God. Being a peacemaker means we are others-focused. When we become obsessed with ourselves and our feelings, we are creating an environment that is not conducive to peace. When we do this, we put ourselves at odds with others and put the burden of peace on them. We need to remember Philippians 2:3-4, “Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others.”

In conclusion, we are all going to deal with offenses at some point, but how we deal with them sets the tone of our interactions with others. Are we easily bothered by things others say or do, or are we peacemakers who can overlook offense? Do we mirror negative attitudes, or do we reflect God’s grace? Do we hold grudges, or do we forgive? We would do well to make Ephesians 4:31-32 our guide in our relationships with others, “Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice:  And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.”